Sleep Training

I came across this poem in a magazine for women writers, and it really struck a chord with me.

Sleep Training by Sian Hughes

This is a life skill, and I will learn

to go back to sleep without crying.

It is normal to find myself alone

at night. It is normal to call out

and for no one to come. I will adjust.

Already I barely acknowledge the sound

of my screaming, night after night.

It is almost like silence to me, almost

like the night itself. I will learn

to close the door, turn aside, and sleep.

This poem reminded me of when T was a baby and, fed up with spending every evening lying next to him in his cotbed until he fell asleep, we decided that controlled crying was the only thing to do. It had been recommended to me by my health visitor and numerous mums at various baby and toddler groups. I think we tried it for two nights but were unable to do it both times. One time I really wanted to do it but my husband gave in and picked up T. The other time I was the one who went to T while my husband wanted to stay "strong". Both times, we both realised that it was something we just couldn't do. All my instincts were screaming out to me that it was wrong, that my baby was crying because he needed me and I had to go to him. After two nights we listened to our instincts and went back to lying in the cotbed every evening. Later we found gentler ways of helping T fall asleep.

Since then I have read quite a lot on the subject and I am so relieved that we followed our instincts. When a baby cries, stress hormones are produced that actually distort the way the brain develops if a carer is not there to soothe the baby and reduce that stress.

If a baby is left to cry himself to sleep he will always associate sleep and bedtime with terror and anxiety. Even when he has learned to fall asleep without crying, he is still falling asleep in a state of terror, he has just learned that it is pointless to try to communicate that terror. T now goes to bed and falls asleep quite happily whereas I know parents who have used controlled crying and now have young children who refuse to go to bed and constantly get out of bed - not surprising since for them sleep is a scary place to go.

The Gloucestershire Floods Project

Bristol University is doing a project about the floods in Gloucestershire in 2007. They are collecting accounts of people's experiences in order to build a record of how the floods affected people living in the area.

http://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2008/12017945165.html

Here is my contribution to the project:

My Flood Story

My story is unusual. It shows how something positive can sometimes come out of adversity in the strangest of ways.

On July 20th 2007 I was nine months pregnant. I was actually more than nine months pregnant because my baby had been due on July 10th. I had an appointment at the hospital to prepare me for a possible caesarean section. My first child had been born by emergency caesarean four years earlier and I desperately wanted a normal birth this time around, but every day that passed that I didn’t go into labour made that less likely. The plan was that if nothing had happened by Monday 23rd July, the doctor would attempt to break my waters in the hope that it would start my labour. If that failed then I would be whisked away for a caesarean section.

We live in Tredworth, about 20 minutes’ walk from Gloucester Royal Hospital. I went to the appointment with my husband on foot despite the rain - walking is supposed to help to get labour started. We saw the doctor and the midwife. I was examined, weighed and instructed not to eat anything after midnight on Sunday evening. When it was time to go home it was raining so hard that we both agreed it would be unwise to attempt even a twenty minute journey on foot. Our umbrella would have been futile against such a deluge. We called a taxi and when we told the driver our address he said he was glad we didn’t live in Tredworth Road as it was impassable.

I spent the weekend waiting and hoping I would go into labour naturally. The rain continued. On Sunday I heard that the water supply was under threat so I filled the bath, all my saucepans and any other large container I could lay my hands on. Sure enough on Monday morning there was no water in the taps. I switched on the local radio station and heard that, due to the lack of water, no routine operations were being carried out at Gloucester Royal. Worried about what that would mean for my induction, I called the hospital. In the middle of the call the electricity went off and the line went dead. I called again using my mobile and was told to arrive at 8.30 am as arranged.

My mum arrived from Stroud to look after my son and I set off for the hospital with my husband. With no water and no electricity at home, hospital seemed like the best place to be. When we arrived, I spoke to a doctor who explained to me that she was going to try to break my waters. I was told later that my cervix was still firmly shut, making this a very difficult thing to do. Under normal circumstances, the doctor, having examined me would not have even attempted to break my waters and would have sent me straight for a caesarean section. But these were not normal circumstances and the hospital staff were under instructions not to carry out routine operations including planned caesareans. This meant that if the doctor was unable to break my waters she would have to send me home, which she was unwilling to do. So she persevered and in the end she succeeded.

Still I didn’t go into labour so they put me on a drip to help things along and eventually I started to feel the contractions beginning. It was a long hard labour and even harder as I had to do it all on an empty stomach. They would not give me anything to eat just in case I needed an emergency caesarean as I had done with my son four years before. Eventually after several hours of contractions and two hours of fruitless pushing I had no energy left. I was completely exhausted. A doctor arrived with forceps and my son was finally born at 7.36pm. It was the hardest thing I had ever done but I was so pleased that I had done it without needing a caesarean. My recovery was a lot quicker than it had been with my first son, and after two nights I was able to go home. It was hard living without water just after giving birth and with a newborn baby to look after, but if it had not been for the floods, I would not have had the normal birth that I had so wished for.

Sling Meet

Last week I went on a sling meet. This is where baby-wearing mums can make arrangements, using the website "sling meet", to meet up. They can compare slings, swap baby-wearing advice, try on each others slings and just chat. Unfortunately there were only three mums on our meet - it would have been more fun with a larger group - but it was still good to meet the other two and their tots. It was a great learning experience for me. One of the others pointed out that I was putting my sling on slightly wrong so I have now corrected this and it is more comfortable. She also taught me how to wear B on my back which was great and I could carry him for much longer without him getting heavy. I'm still too nervous to put him on my back unaided (it involves tossing him over my shoulder) but I might have another go at the next local meet which is planned for the end of May.

http://www.slingmeet.co.uk/